Dear Diary
by The Plot Bunny Whisperer
Summary: CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Am sleep deprived. Dedicated to Kamp, who inspired this in round-about way.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therepy.

Psyche-Wizard suggest a diary. Killed Mudblood scum. Decided a diary would be a good idea.

Potter is up to something.

Voldemort.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Entire series is complete, twenty 'chapters' in total. Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Psyche-Wizard asked about my father. Crucio'd infidel.

They took my wand. Will have Nagini eat them.

Potter is plotting something.

Voldemort.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Decided I'm too lazy to make you guys wait, so the whole thing will be put up today. Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Psyche-Wizard suggested memory role playng. Fed scum to Nagini.

Lucius failed to break me out. Told Bellatrix to Crucio him.

Potter is suspiciously quiet.

Voldemort.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Narcissa Portkeyed Nagini to Siberia. Told Belatrix to Crucio her.

Narcissa sent Bellatrix to Anger Management Therapy.

Psyche-Wizard asked about my childhood. Threatened infidel.

Send Pettigrew to Siberia to look for Nagini.

Potter sent his regards. Will have Lucius kidnap him.

Voldemort.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Lucius failed to kidnap Potter. Will Crucio him when I get my wand back.

Psyche-Wizard made me draw pictures of my childhood.

Told Snape to poison Narcissa.

Potter sent care package. That was nice of him.

Voldemort.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear diary,

Care package was full of prank candy. Am still feathered.

Will kill Potter.

Psyche-wizard says I have an unheathy obsession with Bastard-Who-Won't-Die.

Told Snape to poison Psyche-Wizard when he gets out of Anger Management Therapy.

Voldemort.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Pettigrew returned with Nagini. Will reward him.

Nagini failed to eat Narcissa. Narcissa Portkeyed her to Alaska.

Told Pettigrew to kill Narcissa.

Dumbledore stopped by. Offered me a lemon drop. Said he liked my pictures.

Told Snape to poison his tea when he gets out of Role Playing Therapy.

Potter sent another care package. Am suspicious.

Voldemort.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Care package was nice. Was full of tea.

Attempted to bring Potter to my side. Sent Pettigrew to Alaska for Nagini.

Narcissa stopped by. Said she liked my pictures. Will still kill traitor.

Bellatrix tried to break out and failed. Will Crucio her when I get my wand back.

Voldemort.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Tea gave me a rash. Will destroy Potter.

Psyche-Wizard asked about my school days. Attempted to kill infidel.

Am strapped to bed. They gave me a Dicto-Quill.

Made me look at ink blots. All looked like dead Potter.

Voldemort.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Pettigrew returned with Nagini. Will still reward him.

Psyche-Wizard explored my hatred of Potter.

Narcissa says Draco is well.

Potter says he likes my pictures.

Voldemort.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Had Nagini eat Psyche-Wizard. Narcissa sent her to Muggle Zoo.

Told Pettigrew to kill Narcissa.

Bellatrix visited. Said she looked at ink blots. Said they looked like tortured Muggles.

Snape is drawing pictures. They look nice.

Potter asked after my heath. Told him it was fine. Told him I will destroy him.

Voldemort.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Pettigrew failed to kill Narcissa. Narcissa Portkeyed him to Africa.

Nagini broke out of zoo. Told her to eat Narcissa. Nagini told me to get stuffed.

Nagini went to join forces with Potter.

Will destroy Nagini.

Told Snape to poison Potter when he is done with Ink Blot Therapy.

Am getting suspicious of treatments.

Voldemort


	13. Chapter 13

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Potter sent thank-you card for Nagini. Says Nagini is pleasant company.

Will Destroy Potter and Nagini.

Luciius attempted to destroy Narcissa.

Narcissa sent him to Anger Management Therapy.

Draco says he likes my pictures.

Voldemort.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Dumbledore stopped by again. Offered me lemon drops.

Threatened Other-Bastard-Who-Won't-Die.

Psyche-Wizard says I am making progress. Was released from bed.

Am pleased.

Voldemort.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Potter sent care package. Gave it to Bellatrix.

Bellatrix is in St. Mungos.

Snape said they are starting to discuss his childhood. Is crying a lot.

Narcissa is glad I am making progress. Will still destroy her.

Voldemort.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Bellatrix is fine. Is feathered.

Psyche-Wizard says he likes my pictures. Suggests I find root of my anger.

Told him it was Potter.

Am discussing my obsession again.

Voldemort.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Nagini visited. Asked her to eat Dumbledore. She said she didn't want indigestion.

Said Potter is feeding her well. Said she liked my pictures.

Narcissa sent Pettigrew to Anger Management Therapy.

Potter is running for Minister. Hope he dies.

voldemort.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Ink blots look like Moodblood scum. Psyche-Wizard says this is improvement.

Suggested I drop my Dark Lord name.

Told Psyche-Wizard to get stuffed.

Potter is leading the polls.

Voldemort.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Discovered source of anger. I hate my mother.

Psyche-Wizard put my pictures on display.

Potter is Minister. Good for him.

Narcissa was made Undersecretary.

Am suspicious.

Voldemort.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Psyche-Wizard suggested I drop my drop my dark lord name. Yelled at Psyche-Wizard.

Am making improvement.

Narcissa sent my Death Eaters to Anger Management Therapy.

Decided taking over the world is a hassle.

Voldemort.


	21. Chapter 21

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer  
**Title:** Dear Diary  
**Rating: **PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Summary:** CrackFic. Voldemort starts a diary. "Dear Diary, Attempted to kill Draco. Narcissa sent me to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Pairing(s):** None.  
**Warnings:** Just a lot of silliness. And very short chapters.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

**AN:** Um. :frowns: Apparently I miscounted. Oh well. Consider this the epilogue, then. :) Still dedicated to Kamp.

Enjoy.

.-.

Dear Diary,

Was transfered to retirement home. Is full of old biddies. The pudding is good.

Potter is doing well as Minister.

Narcissa send her regards for my improvement.

Old biddies like my pictures.

Decide I like retirement home.

Tom Riddle.


End file.
